If you miss the first part of this story, read it here.
Then on August 8, 2008, he actually told me to pack and leave, that he is dead serious accusing me of cheating on him. I had to swear with the Quran while naked (I regretted the action because it is unislamic) but he was adamant and he made the statement “eni ti a
He said I have to leave, if not, he will embarrass me but I didn’t take him serious at all until one of his younger sisters told me that he was planning to send my kids to his mum.
At that point, I had to get my children and I left for my parent’s house.
At the initial stage of our separation, it was hell. In fact, I went through an unexplainable trauma. I felt it was the end of my life (astagfurullah).
Emotionally, financially, it was hell. The trauma was maddening. I was not working, so I had no penny on me. Alhamdulillah for my parents. They sheltered me, fed me and my 3 kids. My parents were relieved to an extent because they knew how much I have been abused in that marriage, but that didn’t stop them from visiting his Uncle for reconciliation, the Uncle promised calling us together, which he never did.
The story of my experience with the family is one for another day. I kept on calling, sending different messages, I pleaded like my existence depended on him but he kept on telling me that he was done with the marriage.
My kids and prayers gave me the strength to move on. It was really hard; for months, I couldn’t think straight. I don’t know where to start from, I lost grip on life. I just kept on praying and fasting, hoping strongly on Allah (S).
I started working on my deen which has dropped drastically when I got married. I sold off some of my gold jewelries (I got them while in school and some from my mum) and I started buying and selling campala fabrics from Abeokuta. After a year, I got a job and I started thrift with some of my colleagues, Alhamdulillah, I was able to use the money to perform Hajj.
After few years of separation (of which he kept saying he was no longer interested in our marriage but refused to formally divorce me) and many unsuccessful reconciliation efforts, I finally took the plunge and filed for divorce. This came as a shock to him because he never thought I had the courage to take such step.
That too was another drama on it own, he vowed to take my children away from me, but Alhamdulillah for the never ending mercy of Allah (S), the court eventually granted me the custody of our three kids. On several occasions, just to punish me; he will deliberately withheld the children’s school fees and upkeep expecting me to beg him to pay up, but he always meet with disappointments because Allah (S) is forever sufficient for me and my children.
I later enrolled for my Masters Degree programme, 8 years after my First Degree, my elder Brother sponsored my M.sc. I was able to perform several Umrah and I began to trade internationally (buying and selling from Saudi, Dubai and United Kingdom).
Alhamdulillah for everything. All that seemed like big challenges when I was in the marriage; I was prevented from going for my masters, I was prevented from working but Allah (S) made everything so easy.
Most of my friends refer to me as a man but the strength I had is from Allah (S). He (my ex) has never been there for me. I kept on talking to myself “don’t break down because of your kids and parents”. It was really a turbulent period for me, countless nights of hot tears, at a point, I became so depressed. But Allah (S) pulled me out and helped me through.
Alhamdulillah, I got married 7 years later to a rare man, my husband is indeed God sent.
1. Trusting too much.
2. Putting my ex before anything, even before my God (my relationship with Allah suffered when I was in that marriage.)
1. Alhamdulillah, I grew and I am still growing up in Islam.
2. My wonderful husband.
3. I realised that Allah (S) has indeed saved me from a bigger heart break and trauma with the breakup of that marriage.
To my dear sisters who might be going through something similar to what I have narrated and more, I say put your trust in Allah (S); ask yourself if you deserve pains and
I choose to share my story anonymously in order to protect the identity of my children. I hope someone finds it inspirational.