I never thought I will be sharing my story today. My ex-husband and his family have said so much and I just choose to keep quiet knowing very well that Allah (S) will vindicate me; and walahi He did, in so many ways that I only imagined. The only reason I have decided to share it today is that I hope my story will help somebody, give them the courage to walk out and tell them that though it is never easy, but in shaa Allah as long as they in the right, it will be worth it!
I met my ex husband in 1998 during my undergraduate years, I was in 100L, while he was in 300L at University of Ilorin. We got married in 2004.
Just like the beginning of every marriage, everything was fine and rosy. Our union was filled with love, we were living peacefully and we had a really interesting relationship.
I started noticing problems in 2006, that was 2 years into the marriage after I conceived for the second time, we already had a beautiful girl. First he told me to go abort the pregnancy because we are not financially ready for another child, I had to concote a lie before he let me leave the pregnancy; alhamdulillah, I had twins with the pregnancy.
He then started having extra-marital affairs; to say that he cheated on me was quite an understatement. He cheated on me severally even with girls I knew and rubbed it in my face daring me to do my worst.
Then he began to abuse me; the physical abuse was once but the emotional abuses were endless even from his family members. This went on till the end of our marriage.
I kept telling myself that I have to be strong for my children, I took every insult that was thrown at me and held on to the little strand of hope I have left just to make my marriage work. His family took over my home, I will slave in the kitchen for several hours preparing food for all of them without any one asking to assist me. His mother will send someone all the way from Lagos to come and bring my car because she needs it and I dare not refuse. There was an incident where I was already dressed up to go out, only for one of his younger brothers to tell me he want to use my car, I raised an objection, but my ex husband insulted me in front of his brother telling me he didn’t bought the car for me. These and so many others I do not like to recount.
After the birth of our twins, the affairs and emotional abuse took another dimension. He started staying away from home without any reasons. He reacts aggressively to small issues. I was so scared of him and life was unbearable; sometimes when I look back at everything I went through in that house, It was only the rahmah of Allah (S) that saved me.
I got to know a particular girl he was cheating with, they were into it seriously. I kept on fasting and praying for a change, at a point, I was begging Allah (S) to make him marry the girl so as to save my marriage. His family were aware of this relationship and very much in support of it because the girl is wealthy.
There was another incident that happened when he was with this girl; he called to tell me his driver is coming home to pick the kids because his ‘girlfriend’ want to take them out. By the time the driver got home I was also dressed to go out, I handed the children over to him then told him I will go with them just to drop at the nearest bus stop to my own destination. Few metres from the house, the driver stopped, he tried to sound as polite as possible when telling to please get down because his ‘Oga’ must not know he let me into his car.
I know at this point, some of you might be wondering why didn’t I leave? No! I couldn’t leave. He has taken everything from me except my faith, he made sure he stripped me of my integrity, confidence and common sense. He refused to let me work or engage in any form of business. When I begged him to at least let me enrol for my Masters Degree programme, he said no!
Things kept going from bad to worse every day. He asked me to leave severally, saying he was no more interested in the marriage but I never took him serious. My parents tried all they could to help return our home to a peaceful one, several meetings were called to settle issues between us but the chaos keeps getting worse…
I choose to share my story anonymously in order to protect the identity of my children. I hope someone finds it inspirational.
Please read the rest of the story here